you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
