Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
