i'm signing you up for texting rehab
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i've created a new STD.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
