he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
