And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
