I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
