So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize