I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
