he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
