I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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