we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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