I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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