If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
