She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
this is an emotional support booty call
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
