my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize