You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
