Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
