And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
