His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
