it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
