I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
