Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
