grandma shit on top of the toilet
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
