Yo dont text me then not text me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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