he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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