My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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