the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
