im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
