My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize