Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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