I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
