in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
