So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
