how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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