Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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