Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
