She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm both gender and math confused
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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