my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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