My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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