You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
