I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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