Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Too much gin, very little bucket
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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