Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
