is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
