I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
