Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
