i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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