Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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