Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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