Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
