Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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