A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
