If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
It's Friday. Sex?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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