Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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