sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize