We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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