I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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