My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
