I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
