A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
