Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
