please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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