Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
