Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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