it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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