Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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