this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
