I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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