dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
