if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
