Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
