So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
