think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
