That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize