Tell her she can't have a vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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